ABDUL RAZAK: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
PORNTIP: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

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ABDUL RAZAK: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
PORNTIP: All of them…The live ones put up too much of a fight.

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ABDUL RAZAK: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
PORNTIP: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ABDUL RAZAK: And Teoh Beng Hock was dead at the time?
PORNTIP: If not, he was by the time I finished.

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And the best for last:

ABDUL RAZAK: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
PORNTIP: No.
ABDUL RAZAK: Did you check for blood pressure?
PORNTIP: No.
ABDUL RAZAK: Did you check for breathing?
PORNTIP: No.
ABDUL RAZAK: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
PORNTIP: No.
ABDUL RAZAK: How can you be so sure, doctor?
PORNTIP: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ABDUL RAZAK: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
PORNTIP: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

alex, u would sooo love this…

My family and i recently experienced a miracle. On Feb 2nd, at approximately 10pm, i received a call from my Aunt Christina saying that she was at the hospital and she had brought my Aunt Jennet to be warded, upon further questioning, we found out that my aunt Jennet was no longer conscious.

When we arrived at the hospital, what we saw was truly saddening. The first doctor who had examined her said that it was meningitis and was swift in administering antibiotics right away. When we heard it was meningitis, we gave up, knowing that meningitis is a severe condition and that not many survive. We also knew that the bacteria acts fast and within hours a patient could suffer organ failure and eventually lose their life. Fear gripped us, what would things be like if she did ‘go’? Her husband who is my uncle, and my cousin( the only child) would be so lost without her.  But we continued praying.

The next day, She worsened, they had to intubate her and ventilate. She was depending on the machine 100%. Yes, she could not breathe on her own. Doctors promised to move her to the ICU but could not as it was full. By then, we were feeling defeated… nonetheless, we did not want to seem like we had given up. We sent text messages to everyone we knew, requesting for prayers, i personally scoured my phonebook sending out text messages. By the end of that day we had hundreds, yes hundreds of people praying for her and by 6pm a place cleared up in the ICU and she was moved there. By the, She had remained unconscious for almost 24 hrs.

She was in the ICU for more than a week, in a sedated comatose like state, depending on machines, to keep her going. After that, the doctors came with great news, saying that it seemed like her body was responding well to the wide spectrum antibiotics and that they would slowly let her regain consciousness and wean her off the machinery one by one. They did however tell us to be ready for any sort of brain damage that may or may not be there after a severe condition like this.

I had been going to the hospital everyday and all i saw was my unconscious aunt just laying there. One evening, i had gone there as usual and i was greeted by her, sitting upright, and talking (although not loud enough, but audible words) and i thought, what a great GOD. i was overwhelmed by emotions but i held it in as i did not want to cry in front of her. From then, she improved… so quick that she stunned the doctors.

She eventually was moved to a normal neuro ward, received more treatment and was discharged. She was in the hospital a total of 16 days out of which 10 days she lay unconscious. She walked out fine, without any brain damage and fully healed.

She has gone for 2 follow ups appointments so far, and doctors have given her a clean bill of health. During her 2nd appointmet, a Dr Rishi walked up to her and said, ” You may not remember me, but i was one of the doctors who attended to you when you were ill. Honestly, us doctors had expected you to ‘go’ , there was nothing we could do and we were basically just waiting. You may think that it was us who saved you, but NO, whoever saved you, it was definitely not us… Surely it must have been GOD who did” ~~~~ gives u chills doesnt it?

When doctors and nurses gave up, even when we had seemed defeated, the ultimate physician did not give up on her. And when HE heals, HE heals completely.

I have God the Father to thank for this, and the hundreds of people who joined  myself and my family in prayer.

This is my testimony.

It is shocking to learn that non-Muslim students in some government secondary schools in and around Kota Kinabalu (SMK Kinarut, SMK Sanzac and SMK Bandar Raya) are forced to endure bullies by fanatic Muslim teachers. They are humiliated in front of their class, their Bibles were snatched, rosaries thrown into dustbins, forced to attend Islamic classes, and worst of all, a number of them were talked into to convert to Islam. These students were told that unless they convert, they would lose their scholarships, asked to stay out and so forth. Parents-Teachers Associations of these schools were said to be doing nothing to protect the students. School Management too pretends nothing happened. NonMuslim teachers who know about such going-ons are afraid to testify for fear of losing their rice-bowl. It is said that this issue is also known to the Ministry in Putrajaya and some Wakil Rakyat.

What is happening to our country? After 48 years of independence, it seems weare moving towards a dangerous path of religious and racial fanaticism and bigotry. The writings on the wall are bold and clear. The minorities are bullied, humiliated and discriminated in government institutions. Those who are supposed to enforce the laws only issue warning to the perpetrators and let them off easily. Slogan such as “1 Malaysia” is only a political ploy to camouflage the hidden agenda of the ruling front. Many minorities believe that the slogan is calling for the assimilation of the minorities into the dominant race. The signs are obvious, the process has started in schools where children of the minorities “are trapped”, especially those staying in asrama. Through the education system, many see that future generation of the minorities in Malaysia are indoctrinated to believe and accept the religious and racial ideology of the dominant race.

We challenge the government to openly deny this. We challenge the Prime Minister and his cabinet to take concerted actions against the spread of religious and racial extremism among civil servants who are in the position to alter the fate of the minorities. National leaders from the minority groups too should speak up to defend the future of their own people. Unless and until this is done, we are afraid our country is moving towards a suicidal path of racial and religious conflicts.

Anak-anak Watan Sabah

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What am I to say?

surprisingly, this year i could not think of a wishlist… maybe its because i believe i have all that i need…

………..

………

……..

…

except for a 5 mil dollar penthouse and an equally expensive ride.. hehehehehehe…:-P

messin! i’m good. its good. life and i are good.

good.

German police protection from sex-mad wife.

So i read on and this is what it said:

Mary or Jim would go to Lucky’s toy box in the basement and there the treasure would be, amid all of Lucky’s other favorite toys Lucky always stashed his finds in his toy box and he was very particular that his toys stay in the box.

It happened that Mary found out she had breast cancer. Something told her she was going to die of this disease……in fact; she was just sure it was fatal.

She scheduled the double mastectomy, fear riding her shoulders.  The night before she was to go to the hospital she cuddled with Lucky. A thought struck her….what would happen to Lucky? Although the three-year-old dog liked Jim, he was Mary’s dog through and through. If I die, Lucky will be abandoned, Mary thought. He won’t understand that I didn’t want to leave him!  The thought made her sadder than thinking of her own death.

The double mastectomy was harder on Mary than her doctors had anticipated and Mary was hospitalized for over two weeks. Jim took Lucky for his evening walk faithfully, but the little dog just drooped, whining and miserable.

Finally the day came for Mary to leave the hospital. When she arrived home, Mary was so exhausted she couldn’t even make it up the steps to her bedroom.  Jim made his wife comfortable on the couch and left her to nap..

Lucky stood watching Mary but he didn’t come to her when she called.  It made Mary sad but sleep soon overcame her and she dozed.

When Mary woke for a second she couldn’t understand what was wrong.  She couldn’t move her head and her body felt heavy and hot. But panic soon gave way to laughter when Mary realized the problem. She was covered, literally blanketed, with every treasure Lucky owned!  While she had slept, the sorrowing dog had made trip after trip to the basement bringing his beloved mistress all his favorite things in life.

He had covered her with his love.

Mary forgot about dying.  Instead she and Lucky began living again, walking further and further together every day. It’s been 12 years now and Mary is still cancer-free. Lucky He still steals treasures and stashes them in his toy box but Mary remains his greatest treasure.

Remember…..live every day to the fullest. Each minute is a blessing from God. And never forget….the people who make a difference in our lives are not the ones with the most Credentials, the most money, or the most awards.  They are the ones that care for us.

<3

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter…Snowing and quite cold… and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah . It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.

Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point here she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car .

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn’t have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car’s fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date’s concerns about’ what is taking so long’ with a reply that indeed, she was ‘freezing her butt off’ and in need of some assistance!

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem.

Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

*As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be ‘pants down’. And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno’s comment…’This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.’

*Oh and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.

<3

We’re not getting anywhere, because we keep asking: “What do you want out of this system?” and her response is never straight or it changes every 5 seconds or so. We’ve wasted precious months doing this and every circus stunt she farts out of her brain, and we have tried telling her that the project isn’t going to go anywhere but it all seems to be falling on deaf ears. Lately, one of her little projects just began and yours truly is single handedly piloting the damn thing for her. Success of her marketing and thinking skills? ZILCH! She managed to secure only 6 students out of our pond of 100 or so. I pitched an idea not too long ago to salvage whatever students we have left, it took off, and we managed to retain almost 40 of our students. And in my opinion, 6 vs 40 says a lot. But today, she had the nerve to say that my pitch was a total disaster, that’s right folks, exact words here… she said TOTAL DISASTER. Can you believe it?

Damn you unappreciative twit! I’m not sinking your business, you’re pounding it to the ground yourself and it’s your faithful and unbelievably kind staff who are helping you keep you pretty little head above water alright!?!? We’re the reason you can even afford to put food on your table and cloth your children.

God’s watching and he is just and fair. You’ll see.